Why I Cannot Stand Sanitized Language

Here is the Gettysburg Address, according to Yale's Avalon Project: 

"Fourscore and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation or any nation so conceived and so dedicated can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting-place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead who struggled here have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us--that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion--that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain, that this nation under God shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth."

Here is the Gettysburg Address in corporate-speak. This hurt my brain to write.

“Eighty-seven years ago, our predecessors produced in this location a nation, brainstormed in a working-group discussion and tasked with the robust objective that all persons are created equally. Now we are faced with a robust challenge, determining whether that nation or any nation with a similar objective is able to maintain a strong working relationship. Here, our employees met a great obstacle in that challenge. We have come to task a part of that resource as a repository for those who were downsized in the meeting of that challenge. This is a robust idea. But in a larger sense, we cannot add value to this location. The employees that have moved on to other opportunities who participated in this challenge have added their value to this place. This speech will not impact the world, but their surmounting of that challenge has. Our new, right-sized workforce will continue to address the issues that our former workforce identified as a need. We will continue to leverage our resources to support the completion of this task—that we utilize the resources left by our former co-workers—that we will complete our assigned task, that our synergized nation shall continue to stand robust against all challenges, and that we will resolve all outstanding issues."