Two things before we start. One: I’m completely unharmed,
for friends and family reading this. Two: There is no hyperbole in this post.
I just started work at an IT consulting company in downtown
New Orleans, about three miles down St. Charles Avenue from where I live. Since
it was 50 degrees a few mornings ago, I decided to bike to work.
The first major intersection between my house and downtown
is Napoleon Avenue. Around that area, St. Charles has a boulevard where the
streetcar runs, one lane of traffic and a curb lane. Bike lanes run from
approximately Octavia Avenue all the way west to the riverbend, but there are
no bike lanes going east (downtown) from where I live. Because of this, I
usually stay fairly close to the parked cars in the curb lane.
I waited for the light to change and crossed Napoleon
Avenue, getting up to speed as I did so. There was a bright blue car, possibly
a minivan, possibly a sedan, sitting on the curb about 20-30 feet past the
intersection. As my front wheel passed the car’s left rear wheel, I saw the
driver’s door begin to open, perhaps five or six inches outward, directly in
front of me.
What happened next
was pure instinct; the thinking part of my brain was not involved. I had less
than a second to react. I yanked on the handlebars as hard as I ever have. The
bike slewed crazily to the left and out into the middle of the driving lane. I
cleared the edge of the car door by no more than two or three inches. Thankfully,
the car coming through the intersection behind me either threw on the brakes or
was already pretty far behind me, because I was not hit.
Less than a second.
At this point, I started thinking again. My bike has road
tires, which are not built to grip the road during violent 45-degree turns, and
it was wobbling like crazy and still going at a pretty high speed. I’m going to crash in the middle of the
street, I thought, imagined myself falling, and started preparing to take
the blow on my forearms.
Again, my body had other ideas. Without orders from the top,
I slammed both my forearms down on the handlebars, which were weaving back and
forth. That stabilized them, the bike stopped weaving, and I began to guide it
back towards the curb lane. I turned around and looked back during this process
and heard a woman shout “Sorry!” This all took place in a second or two but
seemed much longer.
As I got back out of the driving lane, I shouted “Jesus!
Fuck! Christ!” On “Christ”, the car behind me—a white SUV—pulled alongside me,
and the man inside hollered “Are you okay?” I said something reassuring, I
don’t remember what, and he drove off.
That was the end of it. I wasn’t hurt. I stopped a few
blocks later to adjust my clothing and whatnot, but that was it. I missed it
entirely. I went to work, did work things, and eventually got out of work.
Around 5:35 that evening, I was biking home on St. Charles,
having just passed Lee Circle and passed under the freeway bridge. Again, I was
biking fairly close to the parked cars. I was wearing grey pants and a dark
green sweatshirt. I had my red taillight and white headlight on, although they
were not flashing so that any idiot could see them. Apparently that’s necessary
here.
I never saw the black sedan until it pulled up alongside me.
Its lights were on, and so was its turn signal. It began to turn directly into
my path. I have no reason to believe he saw me.
This time was different. Instead of an instant of pure
reflex and a violent change, everything seemed to be happening in pleasant
slow motion. I pulled back on the brakes, again instinctively, but I had time
to lazily contemplate the movement of the car. It didn’t register that I was
about to hit it. It was moving ponderously into my path, and I remember
thinking that the driver was cutting it pretty fine.
I was lucky again. We were in the middle of a block. Instead
of turning onto a street, he turned into a driveway that happened to have a
gate. That meant he was slowing down almost as much as I was. The angles kept
changing as we raced to the bottom.
Because of this, instead of hitting him at full speed, I
only nudged his right rear door with my left handlebar as he finished cutting
me off. We came to a stop.
I was too disgusted to say or do anything. I remember being
completely unsurprised that this had happened again. There was no noise from the car, so I pulled off the sock
that served me as a glove, gave a big smile and a sardonic thumbs-up, and got
back on the bike, shaking from the waist down.
I can think of three possible explanations for me not
hitting the first car. Either the driver paused in the middle of opening the
door, or she realized what was happening and pulled it back in a split second,
or I simply dodged it entirely. Whatever it was, that was one of the most
amazing things I have ever done. I have no doubt that if I’d been just a touch
slower to recognize and react to what was happening, I would have smashed into
the car door and suffered serious injury. The same goes for the second car. If
I hadn’t recognized what was happening and slowed down, I would have plowed
into its side at a considerable speed.
I’m very glad I can do that. I hope it does not prove
necessary on every single commute. Who needs coffee when you have a heart
attack?
